To feel secure in care, your child needs to develop an emotional attachment to the adults who care for him or her. For this reason it is important to try and maintain continuity of care and to avoid changing carers more than once a year. Younger children will benefit from even longer relationships, so try and keep this in mind when you choose your care provider.

The relationship between your child and his or her carer is an important one for ensuring the success of the child care arrangement. Rest assured, however, that quality care is no substitute for the value of your primary parent-child bond and you should not worry about being ‘replaced’.

Things to Consider When Choosing Child Care

• There should be a good match between your child’s temperament and needs and the carers ability to meet them
• Look for small numbers of children to carers. For pre-school children, it’s ideal to have no more than four children to one carer although this is not always achievable
• Look for a carer with the potential to develop a continuous, strong and positive relationship with your child
• Make sure staff have been trained in health, safety (CPR) and child development

These rules apply no matter whether you choose a nanny, an au pair, an in-home carer, family day care, long day care centre, a pre-school, or a nanny share arrangement. The priority is to ensure your child receives quality, professional child care which accommodates their needs and helps you meet your professional commitments.

All of the child care options available have pros and cons and you’ll need to weigh them up against your family’s requirements to ensure you put your child in the best type of care.

Author of The Working Mother’s Guide to Life: Strategies, Secrets, and Solutions, Ms Linda Mason has done a lot of research in to this subject and after conducting numerous interviews with working parents has shown that it is possible to have a rich and vibrant family culture even when both parents are working.

‘A strong family is one with a deeply felt connection, a sense of belonging and security, and unconditional love. The sense of family is defined by values and connections, not by any particular configuration of individual roles’, she writes.

In her book Ms Mason encourages parents to continuously share their professional world and working life with their children. She says that taking your children to your workplace to see where you work and meet your colleagues will make the whole thing seem more real to them.

‘When we take our children to our workplace, tell them stories about lunchtime and company outings, and explain what we actually do throughout the day, it helps our children shape views of what they want to be when they grow up. They will also be proud of our achievements when they have a better understanding of what we do for work’, she says.

Ms Mason suggests in her book that it’s possible to create a balance between working life and home life by helping children understand that work is a natural part of life and by cultivating a rich and strong family life for the times when everyone is home together.

She says that families can achieve this by intentionally creating a unique set of rituals and traditions which are easy and fun to do on a regular basis and which everyone can get involved with. Some ideas include playing a favourite song before everyone leaves the house in the morning, walking the dog after dinner, Sunday brunch, Saturday cuddles in bed and/or reading a favourite book before bed.

In addition to the family rituals, Ms Mason says it is very important for family members to make the most of the time they have together, even with the competing pressure of work.

‘In the eyes of children, it’s the little things that count the most: the hugs, the conversations, playing together, listening to your child play an instrument, singing a song together or reading a book’, she says.

Ms Mason says for families with working parents it is especially important to share feelings and to be intimate and honest with your children. She says this fosters an open environment which encourages constant communication and allows children to develop a broad range of emotional responses to the things they experience in the world.

‘Sharing life stories, personal interests, and relaxed time with our children can help us appear real and accessible to them. Through this, we create a bond with our child that is based on intimacy and honesty’, she says.

As a final suggestion for creating a strong family culture Ms Mason advises parents to create intimate family spaces which are cozy and inviting for children. This has the two fold benefit of providing your children with a snuggly nook where they can go and read a book or do some drawing as well as a place you can go to share these moments with your children.

‘However we choose to create a strong family culture – inventing unique family rituals, continuous verbal family bonding, or designing intimate family settings – the real values lie in the focused family time spent together. Such occasions will develop into cherished family moments for everyone’, says Ms Mason.

There are thousands of children across the USA who are placed in foster care because their birth parents are unable to care for them. Being part of the state foster care system means these children are not guaranteed any permanent home and often move from family to family, longing for a family to call their own. Adoptive parents can adopt older children from the state foster care system. The requirements for adoption vary from state to state but below we have outlined the basic steps for a state foster care child adoption.

Adopting A Child From Foster Care

If you are interested in adopting a child from the state foster care system, these are the basic steps you will need to follow.

• Get in touch with your local foster care office.  Acquire a child adoption application from this office. In some states, this will be a local office of the state’s Department of Social and Health Services.  In other states, adoptive services are administered through the county, under the Department of Social Services or Department of Human Services.  Phone numbers for these offices can be located in the government section of the phone book.
• Once you have completed your application, you have to register yourself as a licensed provider of foster care. This will involve a full assessment of your life, your partner’s life , your income and your living arrangements, to ensure you are capable of properly bringing up a child. Criminal background checks, credit checks etc will also be conducted. The licensure process varies from state to state so ask your local state foster care office about what will be assessed in your application.
• Once you have been assessed and your home and you qualify as an adoptive parent for foster care, you move on to the next stage where the child to be adopted is selected. This can occur in one of two ways. Either the social worker will contact you abotu a child they think is fitted for your needs, or you may contact the office about a child that you believe you would like to bring into your home and family.
• Once a child has been selected, meetings will be arranged to get you acquainted with the child. The meetings will increase over time, in frequency and in length so that the child can gradually get used to you and your home before they make the transition into your family.  A social worker will be assisting you through the entire process until the child adoption process is completely finalized.
• Finally, once the child has properly acclimatized to your home, the legal paperwork needs to be completed to finalize your child’s adoption. You will need expert help so be prepred to hire an attorney to help you file an adoption petition and complete the child adoption process for you.

Stop Working During Pregnancy?

Many experts insist women should stop working when pregnant but is this really necessary? The truth is, this is completely dependent on you and your doctor or health care provider. If you are perfectly healthy and your baby is progressing smoothly, then there is no reason why you should not be working during pregnancy.

As a mother in the United States, no employer can deny you of your right to work. In fact many women continue to work right until their due date.

If you are in a safe job and you and your baby have no health complications, it is safe for you to work. However, obviously you must be extra careful when working during pregnancy and it is best you do not carry out certain tasks such as lifting heavy weights etc.

Working When Pregnant

It is not essential for you to stop working during pregnancy and if you choose to work during pregnancy, you must be very cautious and careful. In addition, some of these tips might come in handy.

• Make sure you get enough rest. Lack of sleep and rest combined with long hours of work will cause unnecessary stress.
• Remember to take enough breaks to ensure you can recharge and keep up your energy levels.
• Eat right and eat nutritious food as you will need all the energy possible for work and after work.
• While working during pregnancy is important to keep earning the money, it may not be as essential to keep up some of your other commitments. Do not tire yourself out and cut back on some other standing commitments.

Stop Working During Pregnancy – What NOT To Do

If you have made up your mind to work during pregnancy, it is important that you realize there are certain things you should not be doing. If your job involves any of these tasks, you should not be doing them. Tasks that are an absolute no-no if you are working during pregnancy are:

• Heavy lifting
• Exposure to harmful substances
• Standing for long hours
• Pushing

You must also ensure that you work in a stress free environment and that you do not overwork yourself. While working 60 hours of a week may have been the norm for you, as a pregnant mother to be working during pregnancy, it is best if you stick to a maximum of 38 – 40 hours of work so you and the baby can get adequate rest.

There is nothing wrong with working during pregnancy, however it is a decision you will have to make based on your own individual case and keeping your health considerations in mind.

References:

1. Working during pregnancy – Mayo Clinic

If both adults have children, the adjustment to step relationships is likely to take longer and be more complicated. When single parents find partners and choose to marry and create blended families, the transition can be hardest on the children. Step parenting advice emphasizes that whether children have lost a parent to death or divorce, accepting an adult in place of a step mother or father is difficult and requires patience on the part of the adults. Assuming that dealing with teenage step children is harder than toddlers is incorrect – each family comes with its own problems, and each child, regardless of age, has different needs or doubts.

Step Parenting Advice

• Holding unrealistic expectations of a happy family on the day after the wedding can lead to deep disappointment and fights. Usually it is wise to start off slowly, giving each family member time and space to adjust to the new step relationships.
• Children thrive in atmospheres of security and routine, and step parenting advice suggests that both parents should respect this and realize the importance of it in their adjustment process. Family routines like Sunday picnics should be maintained, and parents can talk to their own children about involving the step-siblings into these events.
• In dealing with step children, displays of affection should not be forced or dramatic. If your children usually give you goodnight kisses or hugs, refrain from asking them to do the same for your new spouse. In addition to making them feel awkward, it would seem as if they are being forced into step relationships.
• For children of step relationships, step parents are often seen as trying to replace their mother or father, and usually this doesn’t sit well with the child. Reassure your child that nobody is going to take the place of their biological parent.
• When children have lost a parent, especially to death, they can become very possessive about the belongings or memories of that parent. Explain that the child can choose to keep those belongings that mean a lot and that the memory of their parent will always be sacred and special. Going through those belongings together with your child can be an important part of letting go.
• If possible, allow children to make their own decisions when it comes to deciding what they are comfortable calling their step parent. Step relationships cannot be forced and dealing with step children is best done delicately.
• It is advisable to avoid becoming the one to lay down the rules when dealing with step children, whether younger children or teens. However, taking the child’s side as a way to gain favor will not help in the long run: children will see through it, but take advantage of the new support anyway.
• It is important for parents of blended families to teach children to respect step relationships. Setting boundaries and limits for behavior, making sure to keep all arguments or disagreements for a private moment, and using respect in your own speech are other ways to instill respect within a blended family.
• There are numerous ways to help your children and step-children to adjust to the dramatic changes in a family. The most important step parenting advice, however, is that the most basic needs of children are love, respect, attention and security, and with those in place, the rest will follow.

References:

1. Step-Parenting and Blended Family Advice – HelpGuide

2. Becoming a Step Parent – Kids Health

3. Foundations for a Successful Step-Family – University of Michigan Health System

Readiness for Easy Potty Training

For easy potty training, watch for signs of curiosity in your child when siblings or family members go to the bathroom. If your toddler is aware of bowel movements, can notify you by body language or sounds, or tells you about soiled nappies, it shows an increasing amount of control and understanding about this bodily function. Also, if your child remains dry or needs to use the toilet at regular timings, it shows a level of control. This is the right time to begin using potty training methods.

Tips on Potty Training

Before you begin, it is a good idea to introduce your child gradually to the idea of sitting on a potty, and other potty training methods. Allow toddlers to be in the bathroom when you are using it, teach them how to flush, let them watch the flush work, encourage and answer questions about the process of elimination: these are all effective tips on potty training and will help to introduce them to the concept of potty usage. Allow your child to select his or her own potty if possible, and let them know it is theirs to use.

Potty Training for Toddlers

Children may be apprehensive about what exactly they are supposed to do on the potty. Explain in detail what the potty is used for, or use feces from a dirty diaper to demonstrate it by placing it in the potty first and then disposing of it in the toilet. Potty training for toddlers can be confusing and stressful, especially if it becomes a source of disciplining and scolding. Reinforce the idea that using a potty is a grown-up activity, but do not insist on your child sitting on the potty if they don’t want to.

Other tips on potty training include: Let them sit on the potty fully clothed at first if they want, to get comfortable on it. At first, children using a potty may take a long time to complete a bowel movement because it is a new feeling. It helps to add fun to potty training for toddlers, by talking to them, encouraging them, or distracting them with a story or nursery rhyme when they are on the potty.

Potty Training Accidents

Even with excellent potty training methods, children are still likely to have ‘accidents’. Make it a point not to scold or show disappointment to children who have soiled their clothes. Deal with it in a cheerful manner and praise them when they successfully use the potty next time. Bear in mind that children may not be able to control their elimination at night and may still have to wear a diaper. Placing a child on the potty last thing at night and restricting water for an hour before bed-time will lead to dry diapers in the morning fairly soon after they are potty trained.

Things to remember before beginning potty training for toddlers: It is important to remember not to introduce potty training methods during times of stress or illness for a child. This could be anything from a disruption in routine, family problems, new babies or moving house, to any other change that seems to be causing some amount of adjustment issues or stress. Children usually take between 3-6 months to learn how to use a potty regularly, but it varies, and parents must watch children for signs of readiness.

References:

1. Toilet Teaching Your Child – Kids Health

2. Toilet Training Your Child – Family Doctor

3. Toilet Training – BBC UK

• Talk to your teen first: Teenagers tend not to share their lives with their parents as much as when they were children and depressed teens will be even more reluctant. Setting aside a time to talk to your teen in an affectionate, non-confrontational manner is important. Refrain from suggesting depression; instead mention the behavioral changes you have noticed and explain why it is worrying for you. Listen to their answers without judgment or without trying to offer advice. This may be easier said than done, since teenagers, especially depressed teens, do not like to be questioned or to share their lives with parents. However, it is important you let them know you are there for them and will try to support them as much as possible.

• Avoid giving advice or counseling: When a teen talks about teenage depression symptoms, acknowledge their feelings. Trying to talk them out of it or make them look on the brighter side is not likely to work, and will make them feel you are treating them like children. Acknowledging their confusion or pain, encouraging them to talk and refraining from offering advice is most helpful, and will ensure that the depressed teen feels safe and comfortable.

• Getting medical help: When depressed teens deny symptoms or cannot explain his or her strange behavior, it is often safer to talk to a medical expert. Without qualified diagnosis, depression in adolescents can become serious and could cause harm to the teenager or to others around. Visiting a family doctor and talking about the teenage depression symptoms, the health of the teenager, and any family history of depression can help. When the doctor conducts the examination, he or she will test for signs of depression.

• Further medical help: A family doctor can either recommend a psychologist or psychiatrist if there are no health issues that are causing the teenage depression symptoms. Talking to a mental health expert who specializes in treating children and teenagers is likely to help. Make sure you listen to your child’s opinion about the expert. If the child is not comfortable talking to the expert, the visits are not likely to help.

• Medication: Medication of depressed teens should be only undertaken on professional advice after other methods have been tried. Discuss the side effects of medication on a teenage body and opt for the one that best suits your child’s needs. Medication may give immediate relief from teenage depression symptoms but the damage may be long-lasting.

How to Stop Bad Habits

• Let them grow out of it naturally: Many child bad habits are part of growing up. As children grow and interact with more people, they may not like being laughed at for those habits, or they may want to be like the others, leading them to stop bad habits on their own. Ignoring a habit often denies them of the attention they are seeking by doing it, and they will stop.

• Understand the reasons for the child bad habit: Children often repeat bad habits when upset, scared, sleepy, or insecure. Identifying the feelings that lead to this bad behavior can help you treat the emotions, so they don’t resort to the habit.

• Start in small steps: If your child has a number of habits that you want them to stop, pick the most annoying or harmful habits first and work on those. Trying to break bad habits at one time is bound to make the child feel inadequate and harassed.

• Allow some control: Some child bad habits are developed when children feel that they have no control on anything in their lives. They use these habits to prove that they can do what they want, even if their parents don’t like it. Forcing them to stop bad habits only worsens this problem. Instead, offer them choices and responsibilities that make them feel in control. Letting them decide on what to wear, what to eat or drink, and what they would like to do in their play time can allow them to feel in charge of their lives. This does not mean not providing any guidance; offering them a choice between two alternatives, ‘milk or juice’, ‘red socks or blue’, ‘paint or draw’, is good enough for young children.

• Do not overreact: Some child bad habits are used only for the shock value. Acting shocked or surprised when a child does something like picking their noses or touching themselves in public will be amusing and make them repeat it. Try telling them in a normal or bored voice instead that people don’t like to see it, and they may do it in the bathroom if they wish but not in public. These tactics are much less fun for children and will lead to breaking bad habits.

• Talk to your child about the habit: Explaining to a child that they are putting germs into their mouth or nose can be deterrent enough to children sometimes. If the child bad habit springs from a physical or medical condition, such as an itchy nose, dry cuticles that snag on clothes, or itchy genitals, treating the symptoms can help reduce and eventually break the bad habit.

• Positive reinforcement: When a child stops a bad habit, praising them or rewarding them always works. Try making a chart with pictures that mark each day that passes without the child biting nails or picking their nose. Set a target for the child to achieve, with a reward at the end of it. And make sure you follow through on the reward. Avoid offering candies or other unhealthy treats as rewards: the most positive rewards are activities that the children enjoy, such as trips to the zoo, or being allowed to look at childhood albums.

It is important not to try to break a bad habit during a time of stress or sorrow for children. Most child bad habits provide an element of comfort or self-soothing for the child, and should be allowed to pass unnoticed during this time.

• Weight problems: Children who were considered plump can grow into overweight or obese teenagers as they begin to be less active, snack on unhealthy food, and spend more time in sedentary activities alone or with friends. Overweight teens are one of the most common teenage health issues. Discussing diet options with them may be difficult, especially if their weight is a sensitive issue. Instead, keep the fridge stocked with healthy and low-fat food options, as well as plenty of fruit, vegetables and juice

• Eating Disorders: With teenage years come increased peer pressure and heightened sensitivity to the opposite sex and to the media’s norm of an attractive man or woman. These years are the most common age for eating disorders to set in: anorexia, bulimia and a range of other complications can affect the health of a teenager. If you suspect an eating disorder, it is best to get medical advice or counseling from adolescent health care authorities.

• Body Image: As teenagers feel their bodies mature into adults, they begin to take more control over their privacy and self-expression. Wanting to get body parts pierced or tattoos done is a way to create an identity of their own. Most teenagers are very body conscious and many do not like their bodies or appearances. Counseling can help, as will discussing the health of adolescents, more active lifestyles and possibly a change of wardrobe.

• Skin Problems: Teen skin faces the brunt of all the hormonal changes that the body goes through. With excess oil production and perspiration, as well as sudden increase in use of make-up and beauty products, skin can get inflamed and develop pimples or acne. This teenage health issue causes a great deal of self-conscious suffering for adolescents. Encourage teens to wash their faces often and maintain hygiene, or get medical help if prescriptions are needed. Another problem during this time is the appearance of stretch marks as bodies grow rapidly, or skin rashes caused by tanning, shaving or hair removal.

• Sexual Health: As parents, facing the idea of adolescents engaging in consensual sexual activity is a daunting, if not frightening one. However, teenagers today are more sexually aware and more sexually active than previous generations. Discussing puberty and maturation of the body is usually not as difficult as discussing sexual health and related issues. If you are not comfortable talking to your child about their sexuality, let them talk to a doctor, counselor or adolescent health care expert. Teens need to know about STDs, teenage pregnancy, birth control and sexual cleanliness.

• Depression and Stress: Adolescent health care often deals with teenagers who are susceptible to stress and depression as they grow and mature. Treating teen depression as something ‘they’ll grow out of’ when it is serious clinical depression can cause effects that last well into adulthood. Teen suicides are often ascribed to depression or a feeling of isolation. If you suspect your child is depressed, talking to a counselor or medical expert is recommended.

• Addictions: The health of adolescents as well as their lives can be seriously affected by an addiction. Teenagers may experiment with tobacco, drugs and alcohol either because of peer pressure or out of curiosity. A teenager who has discussed these habits and their ill effects with parents, and who has been made aware of the dangers is less likely to let an experiment develop into a habit. If you feel your child has developed an addiction or a habit, enrolling them in counseling is a good option.

References:

1. Teens Health – Kids Health
2. Teenagers: How to Stay Healthy – Family Doctor

To make sure that you are able to guide them through the turbulent phase of puberty problems, you have to establish an open, sensitive communication style with them. Handling children who are going through puberty is a delicate task. Most teens pretend they know everything, and cover up insecurity or embarrassment with a cocky or defensive exterior. Parents will have to find ways to communicate puberty information without hurting feelings or without the child feeling like he or she has no privacy.

Puberty Problems and Emotions

While all adults know the changes they went through during puberty, it is a good idea to go through a few books or do some research online. This not only helps to refresh adult memories about teenage worries or concerns, it also provides ways to discuss puberty information. For single parents who need to have the puberty talk with their child of the opposite sex, this is vital to understanding their puberty problems.

Most children experiencing puberty problems are embarrassed about the physical changes. Girls with developing breasts or boys with voices that are breaking are likely to be teased by their peer groups, especially if they are amongst the earliest to develop. The growth of pubic hair or beards can cause shame or shyness too. Teens with acne, excessive perspiration or oily skin or hair could be embarrassed by the changes.

Communicating Puberty Information

• Having the puberty talk with your child, regardless of age, should be during a time when the child is free from distraction and stress. For many children, discussing awkward issues while performing a repetitive task such as peeling potatoes or washing dishes makes it easier as they don’t have to look directly at the parent or caregiver.
• Start off with a brief discussion of the puberty information, just touching upon all points. Children will want to think about facts they learn and come back later to discuss them further.
• Encourage children to talk about themselves, instead of immediately telling them what they should expect. No child experiences puberty problems exactly the same way, even within the same family, and they will have questions or concerns of their own.
• In addition to talking to children, provide reading material for them to go through. Keeping a few books with puberty information in the child’s bedroom can take care of the questions that your child is curious about but is afraid to ask.

It is also important that parents provide some puberty information about the changes happening to the opposite sex. Teenagers are naturally curious about the changes within themselves and others, as well as sexually curious. Explaining puberty information to your child can help your child become more aware, more sensitive, and more cautious.

Reference:

1. Puberty – Keep Kids Healthy

Older Children Adoption: Do Your Research Well

It is of primary importance to find out everything you can about an adoption agency before going in for adopting older children. There are unethical practices being followed by many of these agencies and only alert checks run by you beforehand will ensure that your child adoption is not shrouded in any suspicion. Speak to other couples going in for child adoption and do not hesitate to voice any concerns.

Many children adopted are actually not orphans but those in extreme need- sick, traumatized or disabled. Thus before going in for older child adoption weigh all options carefully.

What To Remember In Adoption Of Older Children

Child adoption ensures an ideal home full of loving care for the healthy growth of the child. Older child adoption also means that he/she already has a well-formed personality and it is important to communicate frankly and learn all about his/her wants and needs.

Adjusting After Older Children Adoption

It is natural that a child will experience feelings of confusion and loss soon after child adoption when they join the family. Loss of familiar people, objects, environment and a new routine may cause anxiety and nervousness. However, it is important that you make your child feel most welcome at this point instead of feeling that their past has been left behind. Moreover, these feelings may recur at various points but instead of despairing at this after older child adoption, help your child to accept his/her pain and grow and try to explain adoption to them the best way possible.

Parenting After Adoption Of Older Children

Spending time with a child is essential

Parenting after older child adoption may be a challenging experience initially, however lay ground rules from the very beginning and spend quality time with your child. Create family rituals that will draw everyone closer and help your child to make connections between his/her past and present.

Activities After Older Children Adoption

Let the children participate in activities that interest them such as swimming, playing tennis or drawing. All activities will help them express themselves in different ways and make them less reserved in their new home.

Various books about older child adoption such as Why I Was Adopted? (Carole Livingston), A Koala For Katie: An Adoption Story (Jonathan London) and Emma’s Yucky Brother( Jean Little) may also be read together to reach out after adopting older children.

While adoption of older children may involve a few adjustments at the start, once things fall into place the children will only grow in love. This experience of child adoption is as much a learning process for the adoptive parent as the child, so be patient. Make it clear after older children adoption that they can come to you with any worry or care, without hesitation.

References:

1. What to expect when you adopt an older child – Adoption.com