Discussing Terror and War with Children
Children usually look to adults for cues on behavior and reactions, especially during times of terrorism and war. When they see adults who are anxious, fearful or panicking, they will imitate this. Setting an example for them helps them to deal with the situation better and teaches them healthy response patterns. War affected children and conflict zone children naturally feel alone and insecure, possibly even regressing to behavior traits that they had outgrown. Parents, teachers and trusted adults can help to create an atmosphere of security during events of terrorism and war as well as display emotional strength that can shape a child’s behavior for years to come.
Terrorism and War and Children
Reactions are difficult during terrorism and conflict and children follow precedents set by adults. By maintaining a strong and composed reaction, traumatized children are given an example to imitate. However, it is important to address the issue. Avoiding the subject or pretending that children do not understand it will only add to their confusion.
Acknowledge their feelings: Set aside time to talk about the event. Children should be encouraged to speak about the tragedy, terrorism or war, and to share what they have felt. Verbalizing their emotions and receiving validation or agreement from adults is an important part of dealing with and accepting the facts. Talking about death may be part of the discussion for older children.
- Address their fears: Allow children to explain what they are most worried about. Deal with each fear seriously and without mocking it. Explain that the most unfounded fears are not likely to happen, and give reasons for this in simple language. For more realistic fears, explain your own plans in case something does go wrong.
- Assure them of their safety: Telling children they are loved and will be looked after may seem like a small action, but makes a huge difference to children and conflict affected family members.
- Admit your own feelings: During a discussion, tell children that terrorism and war upsets you as well, or that it makes you sad, but you are looking forward to when things improve. Statements like this assure them that they are being taken seriously and also offers hope.
- Provide details which add to the feeling of security: Tell children or show them that their country or their leaders are doing everything possible to make sure that everyone stays safe. Talking about patrol squads, extra security measures, sniffer dogs or customs checks at airports proves that safety is a primary concern for everyone during war and children will feel safer.
- Set an example: Show respect for the new security measures that usually follow terrorism or war. Children will learn from your behavior and displaying annoyance or frustration at a few extra minutes delay will show that you find such measures pointless. Be aware of conversations in front of children, especially those concerning racial or religious overtones.
- Offer stability in routine as well as distraction: Try to maintain a sense of routine and habit as it provides security for traumatized children. Also, provide distractions that will take their minds off terrorism and war. Participating in activities that help rebuilding communities distracts children and conflict affected people will benefit. Even simple activities like sending cards, baking cookies or helping babysitting can make a difference.
- Protect children as much as possible: Keeping children away from adult conversations about the attacks, not letting the news on TV remain on all the time, discussing financial, security or political worries separately can protect children when they are already traumatized.
It is also important to take care of yourself during troubled times. If you feel the need for time to yourself, engage a relative or trusted adult to look after the children. Talk to a professional if you need advice for handling children or for dealing with your own emotional burdens when dealing with terrorism and war.
References:
- Children and Fear of War and Terrorism: Tips for Parents and Teachers – National Association of School Psychologists
- Talking With Your Children about Terrorism- Children’s Hospital Boston
- For Parents: Helping Your Child Deal with the Terrorist Tragedy – Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh
