Pre-Delivery Steps to Avoid Sibling Jealousy

• Tell your child that you are expecting a baby before he or she hears it from another family member. Introducing the new baby idea early allows time for your child to accept it.
• Let your child know that Mommy’s stomach is going to grow big, that she will be tired and will need to rest, that one day she’ll go to hospital to deliver the baby, and even details like where the baby is growing. Keeping a child involved reduces chances of sibling jealousy later.
• If there are changes to be made, make them before introducing the new baby or the older child will feel displaced. If your toddler has to be potty trained, weaned from breast feeding, or has to join childcare for a few hours, start it during the pregnancy months itself.
• Changes such as redecorating or moving a child to a new bedroom to make place for the baby could be causes of sibling jealousy. However, showing that you value your child’s opinion and talking to him like a grown-up about decisions can help. Involve your toddler in choosing wallpaper or paint, allowing him or her to perform small tasks or to help moving toys to a new room.
• There are books about introducing new babies that you can share with your child to prepare him or her. Spending quiet time together provides an atmosphere for children to air their views about the pregnancy and their worries or fears. Listen to them and discuss them with your child seriously.
• Explain that your child will have a little brother or sister to play with, and how they will always have a special friend. Talk about the good part of being a big sister or brother, about how big siblings look after little siblings.
• Acknowledge their feelings of sibling jealousy and tell them its acceptable to feel like that. Helping them by talking through it can make it easier in the months when the baby is around and when you may not have as much time.

Introducing the New Baby

• Try to have a small gift ready for your toddler “from his baby sister or brother” for the first time you introduce the new baby to your child.
• When your child first sees the baby, let him or her decide if they want to just look, or touch its hand or hold it for a few minutes.
• Don’t force your child to kiss or hug the baby until he or she is ready.
• Sibling jealousy is often just a result of the child feeling that they are no longer important. Shower attention on your child and ask how school or preschool has been, what they have been up to, or what they ate for dinner.
• When introducing the new baby to visitors and relatives, remind them to show attention to your toddler too, and talk to him or her about things other than the baby.
• Set aside special time for the child, either while the baby is asleep or being cared for by your partner. Let your child know this time is only for the two of you, and do whatever the child wants.
• Allow the older child to participate in looking after the baby, helping with feeding or bath time, or fetching things, but only if they show willingness. Telling them repeatedly that they are being wonderful big brothers or sisters can reduce sibling jealousy to a large extent.
• Tell your child stories about how happy everyone was when they were born and stories about their birth and infancy. Children love stories about their own babyhood, and it will show them that their stories are just as special.

References:

1. Cure Sibling Jealousy – Baby World

2. Preparing your Child for a New Sibling – Kids Health

3. New Baby Sibling- University of Michigan Health System

Different Stages of Sibling Rivalry

Sibling relationships changes over time, depending on the child’s growth and learning. Shouts of “It’s not fair” can change to “She’s always in my room, trying out my clothes” as young children grow into preteens and teens. During the toddler years, sibling conflict can start as children learn about concepts such as “mine” and “yours”. Most toddlers become possessive about almost everything around them at this point, and can resent another child trying to share or take away something that they perceive as theirs, including parental attention.

Later, during school years, sibling jealousy takes different forms as children begin to develop interests in hobbies or subjects that they have been exposed to at school. A sense of individuality begins to grow, and they are keen at this stage to show what they’ve learned or achieved. Siblings who take attention away at this point can become a cause for sibling jealousy. The teenage years are often most difficult for the first child. As teens grow into adults and want to assert independence from family and sibling relationships, younger siblings who still treat them as children cause a great deal of stress.

How to Solve Sibling Conflict

• One way to maintain smooth sibling relationships is to spend time with all children and offer individual attention to each one. When children don’t enjoy the same activity but each wants you to participate in their hobbies or activities, it is a good idea to separate them. Sending one child to the park with his grandparents allows you time to read or color with the other child, keeping both happy.
• Sometimes during weekends or holidays, sibling conflict is just a reaction to boredom or irritation, and children tend to take it out on each other. If you see this happening, getting them involved in a common activity such as making something or doing something that is fun, they will forget their reasons for fighting.
• Make it a point, during more relaxed moments to let children know how special and unique each one is to you. Sibling jealousy can be turned into respect for each other with a little tact and a lot of patience. Use concrete examples of their achievements or talents, and do this in front of the other, so that they learn that each is loved and cherished in their own right.
• Avoid comparisons between siblings as much as possible. Telling one child that if their brother or sister can do something, they should be able to as well is a reason for sibling jealousy, rivalry or a fight later on.

Remember that sibling jealousy teaches children a number of qualities that will stand them in good stead in their adult lives. Learning how to listen to another person, learning to express anger in appropriate ways, learning how to control aggression, understanding family dynamics and their own relationship with each other – all these can be learned if sibling conflict is handled carefully.

References:

1. Sibling Rivalry – Kids Health

2. Sibling Rivalry – University of Michigan Health System

3. Seven Ways to Solve Sibling Rivalry – PBS Parents