Delaying Child Sex Education

Children learn from their peers, from seniors in school, and from music, movies and video games. Often, child sex education from these sources can lead to children having skewed impressions of sex and the opposite sex. Older children incorrectly explaining sex, violent or aggressive video games and adult movies may offer misrepresentation of man-woman relationships – all of this could lead to young children internalizing skewed ideas of these topics. If parents create an atmosphere of comfort in which to teach about sex it is easier for them to control and shape these ideas.

Introducing and Explaining Sex

Setting a time and place for a discussion is not always the best way for child sex education. Children could become acutely uncomfortable with a sit-down lecture on the subject, especially if it has been taboo until then. Also, questions on sex could arise at any time, just like other questions, and parents will be unprepared to teach about sex.

Answering questions or explaining sex in a straightforward, casual manner is the best approach parents can adopt. Often, a book or movie has a storyline that can be used to introduce child sex education. Just letting a child know that you are there to answer any questions they may have is enough. Frequently, children will ask questions by themselves, especially when very young. Reacting with embarrassment or telling them not to worry about the question instead of teaching about sex will merely cause a sense of guilt or shame in the child, and not answer the question.

Appropriate Information to Teach About Sex

Subjects such as why boys and girls have different private parts or where babies come from are usually of interest to young children. For very young children, parents can offer simple child sex education or choose terminology that they are comfortable with. However, many parents offer direct answers when explaining sex, but avoid unnecessary details, such as “Babies grow in the mothers’ bellies”, or use real terms such as ‘penis’, or ‘vagina’.

While young children will be satisfied with such answers, older children will want more information. Parents can opt for child sex education books that are meant for such dilemmas, and sit with their children to go through these books.

Child Sex Education and Setting Rules

Just as parents teach children about behaving in society, children learn what is expected of them when it comes to sexuality and their bodies from child sex education. Young children may be curious about their bodies or want to look at each other’s private parts. Telling your child in a mild manner that while you know they are curious, their bodies are private. You should also use this time to further teach about sex and sexual abuse. Explain good and bad touching, and tell children if someone touches them in a manner that makes them uncomfortable, they should let you know. Young children also play with their private parts, often in public, causing embarrassment to their parents. Parents could tell the child that while they know it might feel comforting, it is not good manners to touch themselves in public.

It is best to keep in mind that a healthy curiosity about all topics is natural, and sex is just one of those topics. Answering questions or providing information during child sex education will not lead to children becoming promiscuous; however, it is important to provide age-appropriate information while explaining sex so as not to confuse or upset the child.

References:

1. How to talk with your children about sex – Planned Parenthood

2. Questions and answers about sex – Kids Health

3. Talking to pre-adolescent children about sex – Net Doctor

Creating an Atmosphere of Openness

It is always best to discuss the case with a child expert or counselor to understand how to deal with it in your own home, and also to help your child face the outside world. The most important contribution of a parent is to create an atmosphere in which a child feels safe and confident to talk about inappropriate behavior they have experienced. A few tips for parents concerned about sexual abuse :

• Encourage open communication about all issues. Children feel a natural curiosity about sex, gender and physical changes; and parents who punish them for expressing this can result in children who hide their curiosity. Refer to the article on Teaching about Child Sexual Abuse.
• If your child tells you about an inappropriate experience they or one of their friends have faced, refrain from over-reacting as this might cause them to stop talking or change their story.
• Reassure children that it is never their fault, and that things can be made better if they tell you about an event.
• Showing doubt or disbelief in a child’s story can make them shut down emotionally and stop telling you about their problems. Remember that some of the most heinous crimes have been committed by highly respected members of society, and sexual abuse in children is not only in the newspapers.
• Talk to the authorities about the situation, whether it is your own child or someone else’s child. Sexual abuse in children will ruin a childhood and a life, and by stopping it, you can save somebody from a lifetime of regret, confusion and shame.
• When child sexual abusers are close to the child or family, it can be very difficult for the child to reveal any details, and for the family to take action. However, to stop the offender from performing future acts against innocent children, reporting to the authorities is vital. Most authorities will accept anonymous reports of sexual abuse in children, and at least investigate the situation, if not take action.

Signs of Sexual Abuse in Children

Very often, children will find it impossible to discuss sexual abuse, even when parents are open about the topic. For child carers, teachers and parents, watching children for signs of child sexual abuse can help uncover a case. Some signs of sexual abuse in children are:

• Drawings or paintings that are disturbing, use black or red excessively, or show unnatural ideas
• Sudden awareness of sexual acts, genitals and words with sexual connotations
• Fear or reluctance of physical contact or being touched
• Behavior problems in otherwise well-behaved children
• Withdrawal from the family or social group
• Coercing other children to perform sexual acts
• Unexplained fear of a person or place

Children face risks everyday, and are naturally terrified and traumatized by sexual molestation or abuse. Very often, parents are not equipped to deal with sexual abuse in children and could further the damage by not reacting appropriately. When adults, older family members or friends, betray the trust that children place in them, children respond by developing intimacy and trust issues later in life. Lifelong damage is a result of child sexual abuse that is mishandled or ignored.

References
1. Child Sexual Abuse. NLM NIH Gov/Medline Plus
2. Say No! Protecting Children Against Sexual Abuse. OCFS State NY US

]]> http://childcarefinders.org/helping-sexually-abused-children.htm/feed 0 http://childcarefinders.org/parents-tips-for-teaching-about-child-sexual-abuse.htm http://childcarefinders.org/parents-tips-for-teaching-about-child-sexual-abuse.htm#comments Tue, 14 Jul 2009 12:37:45 +0000 Dr. Smith http://childcarefinders.org/?p=202 Sexual abuse in children can be a difficult topic for parents to broach with their children, but it is becoming increasingly important to create open channels of communication about it within families. Many parents feel awkward about discussing child sexual abuse with their children because they feel:

• Children should not know about the darker side of human nature
• Discussing sex with children makes them more likely to experiment with it at an earlier age
• Their own social circle would never harm a child so there is no need
• Their parents never discussed it with them and they turned out fine
• It’s not possible that an adult could look at or treat a child in a sexual manner

The Importance of Teaching about Child Sexual Abuse

Children are exposed to risks of sexual abuse at the hands of parents, siblings, relatives, teachers, older children, clergy members, childcare providers, family friends or neighbors, and from strangers on the Internet. Making them aware of the risks will reduce the chances of them being sexually abused or molested. It is not possible to protect a child from the outside world for long, and just as you would warn a child about fire or electrical points, teaching them about inappropriate sexual behavior will keep your child safe.

Initiating Communication about Child Sexual Abuse

Children develop a healthy curiosity about their genitals between the ages of 3-5. Starting from this point, creating a healthy atmosphere of communication and answering questions can actually keep your child safe from sexual abuse in children. Start by teaching your child the real names for body parts at an early age. Explain the difference between boys and girls genitalia. Also teach the concept of private body parts by explaining that anything covered by a swimsuit is private.

Age-Appropriate Teaching for Child Sexual Abuse

Between the ages of 5-8 is also a time to teach children about inappropriate touching from anyone. Reinforce the idea that they are not to blame for child sexual abuse and that they should feel free to tell you if something happens to make them uneasy. As children begin to go to school and play outside the home, teach them about safety away from home. Not talking to strangers, not accepting candy from people they don’t know, and avoiding lonely places are basic safety norms to teach children. Teach children that if they are uneasy about being touched or asked to do something, saying No once and getting away is the best tactic to adopt.

Encourage sharing of scary experiences or something that made them uneasy. Make sure these conversations about child sexual abuse take place when the child is comfortable and feels safe. Sometimes, it is a good idea to start these conversations when children are playing a game or helping in the kitchen, so they don’t feel forced to talk.

As children get older, discuss dating, date rape, pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and behavior that your family accepts or finds distasteful. Talk to your children’s school about starting an age-appropriate sex education program which includes these concepts, or discuss your questions with a pediatrician or counselor.

References

1. Child Sexual Abuse. NLM NIH Gov/Medline Plus
2. Child Sexual Abuse: What is it and how to prevent it. ERIC Digests
3. Say No! Protecting Children Against Sexual Abuse. OCFS State NY US