Discussing Terror and War with Children

Dr. Smith — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 21:06:39 +0000

Children usually look to adults for cues on behavior and reactions, especially during times of terrorism and war. When they see adults who are anxious, fearful or panicking, they will imitate this. Setting an example for them helps them to deal with the situation better and teaches them healthy response patterns. War affected children and conflict zone children naturally feel alone and insecure, possibly even regressing to behavior traits that they had outgrown. Parents, teachers and trusted adults can help to create an atmosphere of security during events of terrorism and war as well as display emotional strength that can shape a child’s behavior for years to come.

Terrorism and War and Children

Reactions are difficult during terrorism and conflict and children follow precedents set by adults. By maintaining a strong and composed reaction, traumatized children are given an example to imitate. However, it is important to address the issue. Avoiding the subject or pretending that children do not understand it will only add to their confusion.

Acknowledge their feelings: Set aside time to talk about the event. Children should be encouraged to speak about the tragedy, terrorism or war, and to share what they have felt. Verbalizing their emotions and receiving validation or agreement from adults is an important part of dealing with and accepting the facts. Talking about death may be part of the discussion for older children.

Address their fears: Allow children to explain what they are most worried about. Deal with each fear seriously and without mocking it. Explain that the most unfounded fears are not likely to happen, and give reasons for this in simple language. For more realistic fears, explain your own plans in case something does go wrong.
Assure them of their safety: Telling children they are loved and will be looked after may seem like a small action, but makes a huge difference to children and conflict affected family members.
Admit your own feelings: During a discussion, tell children that terrorism and war upsets you as well, or that it makes you sad, but you are looking forward to when things improve. Statements like this assure them that they are being taken seriously and also offers hope.
Provide details which add to the feeling of security: Tell children or show them that their country or their leaders are doing everything possible to make sure that everyone stays safe. Talking about patrol squads, extra security measures, sniffer dogs or customs checks at airports proves that safety is a primary concern for everyone during war and children will feel safer.
Set an example: Show respect for the new security measures that usually follow terrorism or war. Children will learn from your behavior and displaying annoyance or frustration at a few extra minutes delay will show that you find such measures pointless. Be aware of conversations in front of children, especially those concerning racial or religious overtones.
Offer stability in routine as well as distraction: Try to maintain a sense of routine and habit as it provides security for traumatized children. Also, provide distractions that will take their minds off terrorism and war. Participating in activities that help rebuilding communities distracts children and conflict affected people will benefit. Even simple activities like sending cards, baking cookies or helping babysitting can make a difference.
Protect children as much as possible: Keeping children away from adult conversations about the attacks, not letting the news on TV remain on all the time, discussing financial, security or political worries separately can protect children when they are already traumatized.

It is also important to take care of yourself during troubled times. If you feel the need for time to yourself, engage a relative or trusted adult to look after the children. Talk to a professional if you need advice for handling children or for dealing with your own emotional burdens when dealing with terrorism and war.

References:

Children and Fear of War and Terrorism: Tips for Parents and Teachers – National Association of School Psychologists
Talking With Your Children about Terrorism- Children’s Hospital Boston
For Parents: Helping Your Child Deal with the Terrorist Tragedy – Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh

Parenting Tips During Terrorism and War

Dr. Smith — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 20:44:47 +0000

Terrorism and war are frightening realities that children and families have to deal with today. For parents, it is a difficult position to be in: wanting to preserve a child’s innocence and also knowing that such matters need to be discussed. There is constant media footage of distressing images, dying children and conflict scenarios or war and children are equally exposed. Even children who are completely unaffected by an event will still have questions about it and about the people involved. Understanding how to help traumatized children can make it easier to answer them.

Children and Conflict

Children have been found to be more traumatized by terrorism and war than by natural disasters like floods or earthquakes. It is hard for adults to comprehend the darker side of human nature, to explain hate or violence to themselves, or to justify killing and injuring fellow human in war; and children find it even more difficult. The set of values or ethical codes that children accept from their parents do not seem so uncomplicated once they are aware of killing in the name of religion, politics or hate.

War and Children at Risk

Those who are more at risk and who are likely to be more deeply affected by terrorism and war are:

Children who have witnessed a terror attack or a military action
Children who have lost someone to terrorism or war
Children with family members are in the military, in other defense units or in emergency response teams

How Children Feel About Terrorism and War

Children react differently to news of terrorism and war. From indifference to concern, curiosity or even fear, children will view attacks or tragedies with a mix of feelings. Common reactions are:

Fear: Children are often unable to sort through information they receive from the media and from their peer group, and they tend to imagine violence or death coming into their homes or communities. Even when the attack or action takes place far away from the child’s environment, it can be a very fearful time for him or her.
Anger: Children often react with anger when they feel powerless. Hearing about or seeing terrorism and war can make them angry because they have no way of helping or stopping the suffering. Children may also react angrily if they feel overwhelmed, insecure or threatened.
Confusion and disbelief: When faced with the news that someone would willingly kill people or detonate bombs in crowded areas, it confuses children who have been taught a strict moral or ethical code. In addition, children may also be affected by violence or death on television, confusing the fictitious wrong-doers with real-life criminals or terrorists.
Isolation and loss of stability: When children are faced with unfamiliar events or disruption of routine, the stability of their daily lives is upset. Bereaved children and conflict zone children feel isolated from others, and could react with anger, regression, depression or unruly behavior.