Terrorism and War and Children

Reactions are difficult during terrorism and conflict and children follow precedents set by adults. By maintaining a strong and composed reaction, traumatized children are given an example to imitate. However, it is important to address the issue. Avoiding the subject or pretending that children do not understand it will only add to their confusion.

Acknowledge their feelings: Set aside time to talk about the event. Children should be encouraged to speak about the tragedy, terrorism or war, and to share what they have felt. Verbalizing their emotions and receiving validation or agreement from adults is an important part of dealing with and accepting the facts. Talking about death may be part of the discussion for older children.

• Address their fears: Allow children to explain what they are most worried about. Deal with each fear seriously and without mocking it. Explain that the most unfounded fears are not likely to happen, and give reasons for this in simple language. For more realistic fears, explain your own plans in case something does go wrong.
• Assure them of their safety: Telling children they are loved and will be looked after may seem like a small action, but makes a huge difference to children and conflict affected family members.
• Admit your own feelings: During a discussion, tell children that terrorism and war upsets you as well, or that it makes you sad, but you are looking forward to when things improve. Statements like this assure them that they are being taken seriously and also offers hope.
• Provide details which add to the feeling of security: Tell children or show them that their country or their leaders are doing everything possible to make sure that everyone stays safe. Talking about patrol squads, extra security measures, sniffer dogs or customs checks at airports proves that safety is a primary concern for everyone during war and children will feel safer.
• Set an example: Show respect for the new security measures that usually follow terrorism or war. Children will learn from your behavior and displaying annoyance or frustration at a few extra minutes delay will show that you find such measures pointless. Be aware of conversations in front of children, especially those concerning racial or religious overtones.
• Offer stability in routine as well as distraction: Try to maintain a sense of routine and habit as it provides security for traumatized children. Also, provide distractions that will take their minds off terrorism and war. Participating in activities that help rebuilding communities distracts children and conflict affected people will benefit. Even simple activities like sending cards, baking cookies or helping babysitting can make a difference.
• Protect children as much as possible: Keeping children away from adult conversations about the attacks, not letting the news on TV remain on all the time, discussing financial, security or political worries separately can protect children when they are already traumatized.

It is also important to take care of yourself during troubled times. If you feel the need for time to yourself, engage a relative or trusted adult to look after the children. Talk to a professional if you need advice for handling children or for dealing with your own emotional burdens when dealing with terrorism and war.

References:

1. Children and Fear of War and Terrorism: Tips for Parents and Teachers – National Association of School Psychologists
2. Talking With Your Children about Terrorism-  Children’s Hospital Boston
3. For Parents: Helping Your Child Deal with the Terrorist Tragedy – Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh

Children and Conflict

Children have been found to be more traumatized by terrorism and war than by natural disasters like floods or earthquakes. It is hard for adults to comprehend the darker side of human nature, to explain hate or violence to themselves, or to justify killing and injuring fellow human in war; and children find it even more difficult. The set of values or ethical codes that children accept from their parents do not seem so uncomplicated once they are aware of killing in the name of religion, politics or hate.

War and Children at Risk

Those who are more at risk and who are likely to be more deeply affected by terrorism and war are:

• Children who have witnessed a terror attack or a military action
• Children who have lost someone to terrorism or war
• Children with family members are in the military, in other defense units or in emergency response teams

How Children Feel About Terrorism and War

Children react differently to news of terrorism and war. From indifference to concern, curiosity or even fear, children will view attacks or tragedies with a mix of feelings. Common reactions are:

• Fear: Children are often unable to sort through information they receive from the media and from their peer group, and they tend to imagine violence or death coming into their homes or communities. Even when the attack or action takes place far away from the child’s environment, it can be a very fearful time for him or her.
• Anger: Children often react with anger when they feel powerless. Hearing about or seeing terrorism and war can make them angry because they have no way of helping or stopping the suffering. Children may also react angrily if they feel overwhelmed, insecure or threatened.
• Confusion and disbelief: When faced with the news that someone would willingly kill people or detonate bombs in crowded areas, it confuses children who have been taught a strict moral or ethical code. In addition, children may also be affected by violence or death on television, confusing the fictitious wrong-doers with real-life criminals or terrorists.
• Isolation and loss of stability: When children are faced with unfamiliar events or disruption of routine, the stability of their daily lives is upset. Bereaved children and conflict zone children feel isolated from others, and could react with anger, regression, depression or unruly behavior.

References:

1. Children and Fear of War and Terrorism: Tips for Parents and Teachers – National Association of School Psychologists
2. Helping Children and Adolescents Cope with Violence and Disasters: What Parents Can Do – National Institute of Mental Health
3. Helping Our Children Deal with War – Mental Health America

Help Children Coping with Trauma

With your knowledge of the children, identify those that have been more affected than others, whether materially or emotionally. Children who have lost parents, siblings or family members, as well as children who are highly sensitive, children who come from broken families and children who have witnessed death or injury are at risk of developing more serious complications from trauma. Keep an eye on them for signs of childhood PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and if necessary, refer their parents to counselors or child psychologists for help.

• Compile a tracking sheet of all children, complete with phone numbers and addresses, especially those who have moved to new accommodation.
• Pay visits to the families of those children who are absent from school either because they have lost someone or because their homes have been destroyed; it shows the child that part of their lives is still waiting for them. If possible, allow classmates and friends to call or write notes to the child to help them cope with trauma.
• Provide community services through the school for parents and children. Creating a list of agencies or organizations that can help with food, shelter, finances and insurance will benefit families that have suffered.
• If possible, increase staffing to provide additional care after hours and on weekends. This time will allow parents who are dealing with children and trauma, and work on re-building their lives and homes for the children.
• Children returning to schools or day care will meet with other children and naturally want to discuss their emotions or experiences. If teachers or child carers are able to, they can conduct guided sessions in which children are allowed to express themselves and gain support from peers. During these sessions, children discover that their friends share similar questions or feelings, helping them cope with trauma.
• Children like to feel useful and responsible. Involve them in tasks that directly contribute to the restoration efforts of the rest of the community, or in making Get Well Soon cards for people in hospitals.
• Reading books or telling stories about similarly affected areas or people teaches children how to deal with the trauma, and shows how others have recovered.
• Children often suffer from survivor guilt. They feel guilty that they lived while others died, that their families or houses were safe while those of their friends or people they’ve seen on TV have lost everything. Address issues like this in the third person if necessary during talks as many children keep such feelings to themselves.

Understanding Childhood Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can affect children or adults after they have suffered a traumatic event. While parents of children may be too busy rebuilding their lives and homes to notice, child care professionals have a more trained eye to watch children for behavioral problems, and can help with childhood PTSD. Symptoms include feelings of anxiety, re-experiencing the event, feeling it will happen again, avoiding talking of it or avoiding reminders of it, behavioral issues, sleeping and eating disturbances, regression in behavior, numbness to emotion, inability to concentrate, being easily startled, and withdrawal from family, friends and surroundings. If these signs are present, refer the parents to a medical professional or counselor for help.

References:

1. Helping Children after a Natural Disaster – National Association of School Psychologists
2. Nurturing Children After Natural Disasters – ChildCare Aware
3. What You Might Feel in a Disaster – FEMA for Kids
4. Helping Children Cope with Disaster – FEMA

Parents, Children and Trauma

Parents are the first source of comfort for children after a natural disaster. Even children who seem well-adjusted and independent before the incident will need help coping with trauma. It will be difficult for parents dealing with children and trauma, as well as relocation, loss, grief and emotional turbulence themselves. However children may be suffering mild trauma or childhood PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and may be unable to deal with it.

• Stay calm and show them that you are in control as much as possible. Children in trauma will look to you for behavioral cues in situations that they have not faced before.
• Repeat to them that things will be better soon, that you are all together, that you love them, and that everything will be back to normal soon. Physical reassurances are equally important; demonstrating your affection towards them and your partner/spouse helps them coping with the trauma.
• Encourage them to talk about their feelings. Share your own feelings as well, but within limits. Do not introduce new reasons for them to worry about.
• Children coping with trauma feel that they are reacting unnaturally. Assure them that their feelings are normal reactions and that everyone has them.
• Reinforce their sense of strength and ability to ‘beat the situation’. Remind them of a time in their own lives when they showed strength or determination so they feel confident of themselves. Point out that while your family and others suffered, you and the community are working on bringing things back to normal.
• As far as possible, help children to meet their friends and peers. While it may not be easy due to relocation or temporary accommodations after an event, children under stress and trauma who can interact with other children find it easier to recover.
• Be prepared for new behavioral problems or patterns. Children may even develop imaginary friends to help them deal with the situation.
• Draw children out of themselves by allocating tasks for helping the family or the community. When a natural disaster takes place, children can feel insignificant or as if they have no control. Putting them in charge of a task makes them feel useful and employs them constructively. Consider getting together a group of children to work on a simple project like cleaning up a garden.
• If your family has been shifted to a new accommodation for temporary use, take items that the child knows and loves.
• Talking to children about death is an important part of healing. If you have lost a family member or loved one, this is critical.
• Allow children to return to their normal routine as soon as possible. School, day care centers and classes will provide a welcome sense of security for children suffering trauma or childhood PTSD.
• Remember that a child does not have to actually be part of the incident to suffer the trauma of it. Watching it on TV or hearing about it can induce a milder form of anxiety or confusion.
• It is important that you take care of yourself too. If you feel you need help, talk to a medical professional.

Childhood PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)

For children, PTSD is a response that could arise after a traumatic event has taken place. Symptoms include feelings of anxiety, re-experiencing the event, feeling it will happen again, avoiding talking of it or avoiding reminders of it, behavioral issues, sleeping and eating disturbances, regression in behavior, numbness to emotion, inability to concentrate, being easily startled, and withdrawal from family, friends and surroundings.

If parents notice these symptoms, it is advisable to talk to a medical professional for help.

References:

1. Helping Children after a Natural Disaster – National Association of School Psychologists
2. Nurturing Children After Natural Disasters – ChildCare Aware
3. What You Might Feel in a Disaster – FEMA for Kids
4. Helping Children Cope with Disaster – FEMA