Delaying Child Sex Education

Children learn from their peers, from seniors in school, and from music, movies and video games. Often, child sex education from these sources can lead to children having skewed impressions of sex and the opposite sex. Older children incorrectly explaining sex, violent or aggressive video games and adult movies may offer misrepresentation of man-woman relationships – all of this could lead to young children internalizing skewed ideas of these topics. If parents create an atmosphere of comfort in which to teach about sex it is easier for them to control and shape these ideas.

Introducing and Explaining Sex

Setting a time and place for a discussion is not always the best way for child sex education. Children could become acutely uncomfortable with a sit-down lecture on the subject, especially if it has been taboo until then. Also, questions on sex could arise at any time, just like other questions, and parents will be unprepared to teach about sex.

Answering questions or explaining sex in a straightforward, casual manner is the best approach parents can adopt. Often, a book or movie has a storyline that can be used to introduce child sex education. Just letting a child know that you are there to answer any questions they may have is enough. Frequently, children will ask questions by themselves, especially when very young. Reacting with embarrassment or telling them not to worry about the question instead of teaching about sex will merely cause a sense of guilt or shame in the child, and not answer the question.

Appropriate Information to Teach About Sex

Subjects such as why boys and girls have different private parts or where babies come from are usually of interest to young children. For very young children, parents can offer simple child sex education or choose terminology that they are comfortable with. However, many parents offer direct answers when explaining sex, but avoid unnecessary details, such as “Babies grow in the mothers’ bellies”, or use real terms such as ‘penis’, or ‘vagina’.

While young children will be satisfied with such answers, older children will want more information. Parents can opt for child sex education books that are meant for such dilemmas, and sit with their children to go through these books.

Child Sex Education and Setting Rules

Just as parents teach children about behaving in society, children learn what is expected of them when it comes to sexuality and their bodies from child sex education. Young children may be curious about their bodies or want to look at each other’s private parts. Telling your child in a mild manner that while you know they are curious, their bodies are private. You should also use this time to further teach about sex and sexual abuse. Explain good and bad touching, and tell children if someone touches them in a manner that makes them uncomfortable, they should let you know. Young children also play with their private parts, often in public, causing embarrassment to their parents. Parents could tell the child that while they know it might feel comforting, it is not good manners to touch themselves in public.

It is best to keep in mind that a healthy curiosity about all topics is natural, and sex is just one of those topics. Answering questions or providing information during child sex education will not lead to children becoming promiscuous; however, it is important to provide age-appropriate information while explaining sex so as not to confuse or upset the child.

References:

1. How to talk with your children about sex – Planned Parenthood

2. Questions and answers about sex – Kids Health

3. Talking to pre-adolescent children about sex – Net Doctor

Readiness for Easy Potty Training

For easy potty training, watch for signs of curiosity in your child when siblings or family members go to the bathroom. If your toddler is aware of bowel movements, can notify you by body language or sounds, or tells you about soiled nappies, it shows an increasing amount of control and understanding about this bodily function. Also, if your child remains dry or needs to use the toilet at regular timings, it shows a level of control. This is the right time to begin using potty training methods.

Tips on Potty Training

Before you begin, it is a good idea to introduce your child gradually to the idea of sitting on a potty, and other potty training methods. Allow toddlers to be in the bathroom when you are using it, teach them how to flush, let them watch the flush work, encourage and answer questions about the process of elimination: these are all effective tips on potty training and will help to introduce them to the concept of potty usage. Allow your child to select his or her own potty if possible, and let them know it is theirs to use.

Potty Training for Toddlers

Children may be apprehensive about what exactly they are supposed to do on the potty. Explain in detail what the potty is used for, or use feces from a dirty diaper to demonstrate it by placing it in the potty first and then disposing of it in the toilet. Potty training for toddlers can be confusing and stressful, especially if it becomes a source of disciplining and scolding. Reinforce the idea that using a potty is a grown-up activity, but do not insist on your child sitting on the potty if they don’t want to.

Other tips on potty training include: Let them sit on the potty fully clothed at first if they want, to get comfortable on it. At first, children using a potty may take a long time to complete a bowel movement because it is a new feeling. It helps to add fun to potty training for toddlers, by talking to them, encouraging them, or distracting them with a story or nursery rhyme when they are on the potty.

Potty Training Accidents

Even with excellent potty training methods, children are still likely to have ‘accidents’. Make it a point not to scold or show disappointment to children who have soiled their clothes. Deal with it in a cheerful manner and praise them when they successfully use the potty next time. Bear in mind that children may not be able to control their elimination at night and may still have to wear a diaper. Placing a child on the potty last thing at night and restricting water for an hour before bed-time will lead to dry diapers in the morning fairly soon after they are potty trained.

Things to remember before beginning potty training for toddlers: It is important to remember not to introduce potty training methods during times of stress or illness for a child. This could be anything from a disruption in routine, family problems, new babies or moving house, to any other change that seems to be causing some amount of adjustment issues or stress. Children usually take between 3-6 months to learn how to use a potty regularly, but it varies, and parents must watch children for signs of readiness.

References:

1. Toilet Teaching Your Child – Kids Health

2. Toilet Training Your Child – Family Doctor

3. Toilet Training – BBC UK

Different Stages of Sibling Rivalry

Sibling relationships changes over time, depending on the child’s growth and learning. Shouts of “It’s not fair” can change to “She’s always in my room, trying out my clothes” as young children grow into preteens and teens. During the toddler years, sibling conflict can start as children learn about concepts such as “mine” and “yours”. Most toddlers become possessive about almost everything around them at this point, and can resent another child trying to share or take away something that they perceive as theirs, including parental attention.

Later, during school years, sibling jealousy takes different forms as children begin to develop interests in hobbies or subjects that they have been exposed to at school. A sense of individuality begins to grow, and they are keen at this stage to show what they’ve learned or achieved. Siblings who take attention away at this point can become a cause for sibling jealousy. The teenage years are often most difficult for the first child. As teens grow into adults and want to assert independence from family and sibling relationships, younger siblings who still treat them as children cause a great deal of stress.

How to Solve Sibling Conflict

• One way to maintain smooth sibling relationships is to spend time with all children and offer individual attention to each one. When children don’t enjoy the same activity but each wants you to participate in their hobbies or activities, it is a good idea to separate them. Sending one child to the park with his grandparents allows you time to read or color with the other child, keeping both happy.
• Sometimes during weekends or holidays, sibling conflict is just a reaction to boredom or irritation, and children tend to take it out on each other. If you see this happening, getting them involved in a common activity such as making something or doing something that is fun, they will forget their reasons for fighting.
• Make it a point, during more relaxed moments to let children know how special and unique each one is to you. Sibling jealousy can be turned into respect for each other with a little tact and a lot of patience. Use concrete examples of their achievements or talents, and do this in front of the other, so that they learn that each is loved and cherished in their own right.
• Avoid comparisons between siblings as much as possible. Telling one child that if their brother or sister can do something, they should be able to as well is a reason for sibling jealousy, rivalry or a fight later on.

Remember that sibling jealousy teaches children a number of qualities that will stand them in good stead in their adult lives. Learning how to listen to another person, learning to express anger in appropriate ways, learning how to control aggression, understanding family dynamics and their own relationship with each other – all these can be learned if sibling conflict is handled carefully.

References:

1. Sibling Rivalry – Kids Health

2. Sibling Rivalry – University of Michigan Health System

3. Seven Ways to Solve Sibling Rivalry – PBS Parents

Parenting Tips to Talk About Death

Explaining death to a child is a delicate task, and one that should be prepared for. Some feel it is best to help children deal with death by discussing it when viewed from a distance, such as on the news, or if a dead bird or squirrel is found on the road; this way children are familiar with the idea before it experiencing it personally. Some parents feel it is only necessary to talk about death when a child has questions, and will not bring it up otherwise. The truth is, death can come at any time and children will have questions as soon as they observe it. Very young children will require only a few answers, while older children may have more complex feelings or reactions.

Explaining Death to Children

• Reveal information only in an age-appropriate manner, and refrain from over-explaining. It is best to keep your own answers short and concise, and let the child talk instead. This way you’ll understand how a child wants to be told, and how much he or she needs to know.
• Talking about death through euphemisms is not always a good idea. Telling a child that the deceased has “gone to sleep” or “gone on a journey” can convey the wrong impression and lead the child into thinking they’ll wake up or come back.
• Younger children will find it hard to understand that the deceased is not going to come back, and will keep asking. Explain death to children patiently and with love each time, but make it clear from the start that a person does not come back after they’ve died.
• Religious or personal beliefs that you or your family hold often provide solace to a bereaved family, and can help children dealing with death too. Explain your beliefs about people who have died, whether they go to Heaven, become angels or stars, or become a part of us forever.
• It often helps children dealing with death to be involved in funerals or rituals, but only if they are willing. Prepare them in advance for what is going to happen, and warn them that there will be adults crying.
• If the death is within the family or the child’s close circle, routine can be a reassuring and comforting part for children dealing with death. When children have a familiar routine, they tend to feel safe, and in the midst of all the new fears and emotions, it can help them deal with their emotions.
• Encourage children to talk about death, as well as their own ideas and grief. Children can be very sensitive and not cry because they don’t want their parents to feel sad. Telling them that you also feel sad and want to cry helps them to share their own reactions.

Just as it helps adults to have a memorial service, children dealing with death will benefit from a ritual that gives them closure. If a child is too young or is unwilling to attend a funeral, decide with the child what you’d like to do to say good-bye to the deceased relative, friend or pet. Suggest different ways: visiting a grave, planting flowers in their memory, setting aside a special time to talk about them, making a scrap-book or album, making a patchwork quilt from favorite clothes or drawing pictures. Your child will pick one, or will come up with one on his or her own.

Above all, allow time for grief and mourning. Children dealing with death go through different stages of reacting to bereavement; from denial, anger, and questioning to sorrow and acceptance. Be there for them emotionally and physically, and hold them often to reassure them of your love.

References:

1. Death and Loss – Keep Kids Healthy
2. Talking to Children About Death – Netdoctor

Recognizing Signs of Swine Flu in Children

Watch for the signs of swine flu or regular flu: fever, coughing, head and body ache, chills, and a sore throat. In young children, symptoms that require urgent medical treatment are: rash on the body accompanied by fever, unconsciousness, unresponsiveness, blue tinge to skin tone, respiratory difficulty or breathing faster than usual. If your child displays any signs of swine flu, keep him or her at home and away from childcare or school, and get a doctor’s opinion.

Tips for Parents to Protect Against Swine Flu

• As a rule, it is a good practice to develop and encourage habits of washing hands often during the day. Teach children to wash their hands and face in the morning, in the evening, before and after meals, and shower after playing or before going to bed.
• Teach children to avoid touching their face or mouth to prevent transmission of any virus or bacteria.
• Arm yourself with information on swine flu to be prepared for any signs or precautions.
• Simple etiquette like using a handkerchief or tissue when sneezing can reduce the swine flu risk.
• Clean household surfaces, especially doors and door handles frequently. Regular household cleaners are effective to protect against swine flu.
• If your child is diagnosed, he or she will remain infectious for 7 days after the signs of swine flu started. Do not let infected children interact with other children or family members during this time. Stay at least one meter away from the infected person to avoid the swine flu risk and prevent contamination by droplets and keep a separate sleeping place if possible.
• Swine flu can be treated but antivirals cannot be taken unless a diagnosis confirms that your child has swine flu or is at serious risk of developing the illness.

Tips and Information on Swine Flu for Childcare Professionals

• Spread information on swine flu. Educate children in creative ways and ensure that they learn and practice methods to protect against swine flu.
• Teach children to wash hands and face regularly, and especially before eating.
• Children should be taught about germs, as well as to avoid touching their faces, to cover their mouths when sneezing and to use handkerchiefs.
• Clean all surfaces every day with a regular disinfectant, especially those that are touched by children to reduce swine flu risk.
• Observe rules of hygiene during eating and snack time. Provide a separate cup, plate, bowl and spoon for each child and label it so that there is no sharing.
• If a child displays signs of swine flu, ensure he or she is kept far away from other children until either a doctor arrives or until the parents can be called to take the child home.
• Children who show signs of swine flu will remain infectious for approximately 5 days after the symptoms begin to show. A child who is ill should not be allowed to come to childcare during this time.
• Use a spray with high alcohol content to disinfect the air around at regular intervals.
• Use social distancing in the areas where children congregate: move desks further apart, have smaller groups of children if possible, do not overcrowd children into one area for activities.
• Provide warm water and soap for children to wash hands, or hand rubs or sanitizers.
• Staff members who are ill should be made to stay at home, whether you are prepared for the extra time you or some other member will have to put in. A few extra hours of work will not hurt, but contracting an infection can have serious consequences.
• Prepare parents by providing information on swine flu and making your rules very clear. Some parents may try to drop children off when they go to work, even if the child is mildly ill. Lay down very strict rules on this or any other behavior that may endanger you, your staff or the other children

References:

1. Swine Flu Q&A – NHS UK
2. Swine Flu and Children: Should Parents Be Worried? – Education
3. Novel H1N1 Flu (Swine Flu) and You – Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

Taking Childcare for Granted

While child carers naturally develop a bond with the children they care for, it is still a job for them. When parents take it for granted that the child carer will look after the child even after center hours, or on holidays, they are not respecting the childcare professional. If a childcare center is willing to perform these kind of duties, parents should be willing to pay for the extra time of the employees of the center.

Payments of Childcare Bills

Treating childcare centers like babysitters is a mistake many parents make. The center is a business, and must collect payments in time to meet other overheads and costs, as well as pay salaries. When employees are not happy, it affects the children at the center, so make sure you make your payments in time.

Childcare and Housekeeping Duties

Children can be messy and need to be looked after. During learning games and constructive play, children often end up with soiled clothes and shoes. However, child carers cannot be expected to rinse mud and paint stains off clothes and send back clean lunch-boxes. In addition, parents should teach children to behave the same at the childcare center as they would in their own house; i.e no littering, flushing the toilet after use, etc.

Childcare and Parents

There are some lines between child care providers and parents that should not be crossed. Child carers may be very familiar with a child and family; this does not allow parents to make payments late, to involve child carers in family disputes, or ask for babysitting favors.

Open Communication and Childcare

It is most important for parents and child care providers to develop a stream of communication in which both sides understand and respect the needs of the other. Making unreasonable demands is not excusable. Parents need to keep in mind that there are other children at the center and the providers will do their best to provide care as good as home care.

Also, childcare centers take time to create and distribute brochures, pamphlets and rule books, as well as design contracts that care for the best interests of the family, the child and the center. Parents will be expected to read these contracts carefully before agreeing to anything.

Childcare Expectations

Parents need to talk to child care professionals before signing up for their services so that they reach a full understanding of the discipline methods and principles followed by the center. A childcare provider will have to control unruly behavior in children, and parents should discuss the methods of discipline.  Specifications about health problems, allergies and special instructions need to be discussed at this point to understand if the center is able to provide this.

Parents cannot expect unreasonable services such as not allowing children to mingle with certain other children, or particular religious training. There may be other child care centers that cater to these requirements as part of their profile, and parents should consider these centers instead.

During the first three years of a child’s life, cognitive and intellectual skills are at their highest. By the age of two years, a toddler can pronounce and understand the meaning of between 50-100 words. If this time period passes without significant development of children’s vocabulary, it will be more difficult for them to learn later in childhood.

Caregivers and Child Vocabulary

Singing, talking to the child and playing games are activities that parents naturally indulge in to help development of the child’s vocabulary, as well as other skills. It has been proven that reading to a child from as early as six months aids in the development of the child’s vocabulary.

Child care professionals may have limited time with children, but even this time, if constructively used, can significantly help in developing language skills. Child specialists, caregivers and parents use a mix of day-to-day conversation, reading, singing, vocabulary questions and learning games to encourage children to improve and widen their vocabularies.

Reading and Vocabulary Questions to Develop Children’s Vocabulary

Reading offers a chance for parent and child to bond, to spend quiet time together without distraction, and for the parent to introduce vocabulary questions and new concepts through the book. While reading, ensure that you ask vocabulary questions to draw answers from the child, and allow for the child to ask questions too. Simple vocabulary questions like “What is this big animal here?” are enough to draw attention to a new concept or idea. Choose books that have bright colors, favorite animals or cartoon characters, or big letters.

Everyday Conversation and Learning Games for Children’s Vocabulary

Talking to a child about everything around, all the new objects or concepts, people, as well as his or her own reactions to different sights creates an atmosphere in which the child feels free to express himself. A trip to the supermarket or a play session with friends can become a learning experience when guided properly and when new ideas are added to the child’s vocabulary. As a caregiver, when talking to a child, provide information but encourage more conversation from the child to keep his attention from wandering.

Learning games are a vital part of language skills and development of children’s vocabulary. Through a fun activity with vocabulary questions that is monitored by a caregiver, either parent or professional, a child will receive lessons in life skills, as well as language and vocabulary.

Beginning early with speech and vocabulary development has its advantages. A child who has a better command over the language is able to express himself more clearly, and will find it easier to access further learning through conversations, books and interaction with peers and friends.

References
1. Speech & Language Development Milestones. NICD
2. Home Treatment – Speech & Language Development. WebMD

What is a Temper Tantrum?

Temper tantrums are often an expression of the toddler’s self determination and independence when faced with an ‘uncooperative’ parent. It may be triggered by a host of emotions and may be the final show of frustration when other methods to ‘negotiate’ a situation is unsuccessful. While a temper tantrum can be embarrassing in a public setting, it is often frustrating at meal time when the family is trying to share some quality time in a peaceful setting.

Parenting Tips for Temper Tantrums

• Stay calm and in control. Any outburst of emotion from your side may aggravate your child further and exacerbate the tantrum. You are trying to teach your toddler to be calm so start by setting an example.
• Try to calm down your child by speaking to him or her in a composed tone of voice. Inform him or her that you understand that they are upset but you can only discuss the situation once he or she calms down and speaks to you in a controlled manner.
• Advise your toddler to breathe deeply with you to calm down. Deep but slow inhaling and exhaling. This is effective in staying calm in any situation and your toddler is still learning to deal with emotions in a controlled manner. Your assistance as a care giver will teach your toddler self control which they will carry through into adulthood.
• If you cannot calm down your child, usher him or her away from the dining table. Inform them calmly that while they have the right to be upset and express it, they should not disrupt meal time for the rest of the family. Your toddler’s temper tantrum is due to the fact that he or she sees the situation as a crisis. Inform them that it is not a crisis and there is no need to panic and once they have gained their composure, they are welcome to return to the dining table and join the family for meal time.
• After the temper tantrum and once meal time is over, sit down with your child and discuss what occurred in a relaxed manner. Teach your toddler to express their emotions and differentiate and label whether they are feeling angry, afraid, hurt or frustrated. Listen to your child’s reasoning of the situation and calmly advise him or her how that sort of behavior is not acceptable and there are alternatives to expressing their emotions.
• Clearly explain to your toddler why he or she cannot have what they want at that particular moment. Indicate that you as mom, dad or caregiver has certain responsibilities as an adult for their benefit. The child may not understand your position but at least you have clearly stated where you stand on the situation and how a temper tantrum will not work in the situation again.
• Negotiating with your child is not necessarily an unhealthy child rearing tactic. Sometimes the best solutions are based upon mutual agreement. If your toddler does not want to eat their vegetables, then negotiate that they eat at least half the portion of vegetables and then you will allow them to leave the dinner table. Do not bribe with treats as this creates unhealthy eating habits later in life.

Dealing with Toddlers

Linguistic and intellectual development may not be at the same level as an older child but treating your toddler as incompetent is often frustrating for a child. Teach your child to deal with emotions in a controlled manner irrespective of age and do not succumb to the thinking that certain manners of unruly behavior is acceptable for certain ages.

These simple parenting tips may not always be easy to implement in a toddler that is still discovering their environment and learning about social interaction. Perseverance and patience on your part will go a long way in reducing or stopping temper tantrums in your toddler before it becomes a learned behavior that is expressed throughout childhood or even the teen years.