If both adults have children, the adjustment to step relationships is likely to take longer and be more complicated. When single parents find partners and choose to marry and create blended families, the transition can be hardest on the children. Step parenting advice emphasizes that whether children have lost a parent to death or divorce, accepting an adult in place of a step mother or father is difficult and requires patience on the part of the adults. Assuming that dealing with teenage step children is harder than toddlers is incorrect – each family comes with its own problems, and each child, regardless of age, has different needs or doubts.

Step Parenting Advice

• Holding unrealistic expectations of a happy family on the day after the wedding can lead to deep disappointment and fights. Usually it is wise to start off slowly, giving each family member time and space to adjust to the new step relationships.
• Children thrive in atmospheres of security and routine, and step parenting advice suggests that both parents should respect this and realize the importance of it in their adjustment process. Family routines like Sunday picnics should be maintained, and parents can talk to their own children about involving the step-siblings into these events.
• In dealing with step children, displays of affection should not be forced or dramatic. If your children usually give you goodnight kisses or hugs, refrain from asking them to do the same for your new spouse. In addition to making them feel awkward, it would seem as if they are being forced into step relationships.
• For children of step relationships, step parents are often seen as trying to replace their mother or father, and usually this doesn’t sit well with the child. Reassure your child that nobody is going to take the place of their biological parent.
• When children have lost a parent, especially to death, they can become very possessive about the belongings or memories of that parent. Explain that the child can choose to keep those belongings that mean a lot and that the memory of their parent will always be sacred and special. Going through those belongings together with your child can be an important part of letting go.
• If possible, allow children to make their own decisions when it comes to deciding what they are comfortable calling their step parent. Step relationships cannot be forced and dealing with step children is best done delicately.
• It is advisable to avoid becoming the one to lay down the rules when dealing with step children, whether younger children or teens. However, taking the child’s side as a way to gain favor will not help in the long run: children will see through it, but take advantage of the new support anyway.
• It is important for parents of blended families to teach children to respect step relationships. Setting boundaries and limits for behavior, making sure to keep all arguments or disagreements for a private moment, and using respect in your own speech are other ways to instill respect within a blended family.
• There are numerous ways to help your children and step-children to adjust to the dramatic changes in a family. The most important step parenting advice, however, is that the most basic needs of children are love, respect, attention and security, and with those in place, the rest will follow.

References:

1. Step-Parenting and Blended Family Advice – HelpGuide

2. Becoming a Step Parent – Kids Health

3. Foundations for a Successful Step-Family – University of Michigan Health System

Single Parent Households

Children of single parents are susceptible to psychological issues, emotional problems and social difficulties, and need the extra attention and care to help them cope with their situation. Single parents need to offer emotional care and nurturing, traditionally seen as the mother’s role, as well as being the discipliner and provider for the child, usually mantles that the father takes on. In addition to child care and upbringing, single parents juggle the demands of a job, social pressures, and a personal life. When the stress levels increase as they so often do, members of single parent homes can develop problematic relationships, leading to further estrangement and isolation for children.

Being a Single Parent – Making New Rules

In single parent households, every day can be a challenge. It takes effort and reflection to help make life in a single parent home easier for everyone involved. Rules and routines that once worked need to be reconsidered and changed to suit the new situation. Some basic rules:

• Children of divorced or widowed parents will need to be counseled separately for their own issues. Parents must understand that each child reacts differently and should not presume that the success formula of another single parent will work in their own case.
• At the time of change, most children are likely to want to help if they are old enough. Allocating some of the household responsibilities not only lifts some of the burden off the shoulders of a single parent, but makes the child feel useful and gives purpose. Put your child in charge of safe tasks like doing the laundry or laying the tables for meal times, or other age-appropriate tasks. Allowing older siblings to help in morning routines or bedtime routines makes them feel like they are making a contribution and helps them develop responsibility.
• Switching between the caring parent and the disciplining parent can be confusing for both a single parent and for the child. When a parent confronts a child for misbehaviour, keeping it firm and matter-of-fact will work better than using emotional outburst. However, single parents should remember that a lot of unruly behavior is often a cry for attention or a deeper emotional problem and treat it as such.
• Another reason to create new routines at home is that the old habits could have painful associations for both children and parents, especially in the case of death. Introducing new family traditions while keeping those that are precious and familiar is another way to ease the transition from a double-parent family to a single parent home.

Single parent families often have to consider the welfare of their children before their own, and doing so repeatedly can lead to resentment and anger. Counselling and professional help can work just because they offer someone that a parent can talk to, and single parent groups often provide help and advice. Most importantly, explore your rights and options as single parents to make sure you are utilising every resource at your disposal. Being a single parent is not easy, but a few sensible choices can make it rewarding and lead to deeper bonding and new experiences.

Reference:

1. Single Parent Tips – Life Tips

A common problem faced by single parent households is a lack of a role model for children. While most children grow up observing the interaction between two parents and learning about healthy social responsibilities or relationships, single parent families need to be creative about this. Trusted relatives and close family friends often offer a chance for children to observe and learn through interaction.

Single Parent Families – Creating a Work-Life Balance

While a job can suddenly become critical when there is only one income to support the home, single parents will have to deal with increased demands and less time for themselves. Creating a more appropriate work-life balance involves some restructuring of professional lives for working parents.

• Talk to your current employer about working more flexible hours so that you can be there for your children when they are home from school. If it means finding a job that allows you this freedom, it might be worthwhile considering shifting to a new workplace. Volunteering for childcare at a center often solves both the problem of employment and of spending time with your child.
• On weekends, make sure to plan activities that allow for some quality time together. In addition to providing fun and distraction, activities are a good time to talk to children in a relaxed atmosphere about problems or issues.
• Explore options to earn and stay home if your job allows it. Telecommuting or working from home for your office is allowed by many offices now. Alternatively, setting up a home-based business or working freelance are also ideas that can be considered.

Emotional Support for Single Parents and Children

Single parent families are often closer knit because of a sense of camaraderie, or a feeling of us-against-all-problems between parents and children. Single parents often find it helps to treat their family as a team, whether there is one child or four. This provides a structure for the family to rely upon, and offers a chance at delegating responsibilities and choosing ‘leaders’ – concepts that children learn from an early age in the playground.

In the midst of worrying about their children and their jobs, single parents should set aside some time for themselves. Meditation, yoga, morning jogs, long baths, or just some alone time at home while the kids are being looked after by family or friends – anything that helps single parents to unwind and relax will help.

Being a single parent doesn’t have to be lonely. Support groups and single parent meetings offer a chance to socialize with other parents who are in similar situations. These groups may also offer services like baby-sitting, playgroups or outings for children. Dating is another option to explore, and once single parents feel ready, these groups provide chances to meet other people who understand the restrictions and joys of single parenthood.